The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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