i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
