After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize