I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
