Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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