Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize