Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
