evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
