As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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