My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
