I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
