I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
