worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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