I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
