he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize