I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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