I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
