I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize