I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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