I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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