I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
