Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize