I cannot find my penis.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
