please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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