My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize