i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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