from now on my penis is your penis
he puts the penis in happiness.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
