The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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