That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
