I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
