I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
