we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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