im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
