ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I want to be your penis for a week.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
