I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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