i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
