Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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