Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
