I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
