Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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