I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
