Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
