i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
