She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
