Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize