Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize