i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
