And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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