what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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