so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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