I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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