question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
