I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
