there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
