I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
