I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
