you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
