the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
