Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
