there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
