i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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