I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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