Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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