I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
