Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
