i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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