turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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