I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
