I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
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