I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
