Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You've changed since you got that strap on
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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