whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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