gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
