Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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