I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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